Guilt is the cockroach of a woman’s emotions. Never fully dying or eradicated. I am a woman, so I speak from that point of view. It doesn’t matter what season I’m in, how successful I am, or how much I struggle. I feel guilt like the sticky film left on my skin after working in the humidity of a southern summer afternoon.
There’s a song lyric I hear all the time and it says, “I got a therapist, I’m so mature.” Well I do that. I go to therapy. But not because I’m mature but because I’m desperate and exhausted. Guess what guilt doesn’t go away in therapy either. It’s there. Like the vermin it is.
I’m killing it at work. I feel empowered and successful. Guilt. I’m reminded of all the things I’ve let slide in my personal relationships.
I’m killing it at home. Date nights weekly. I’m texting with my kids. Their needs are met. I’ve meal planned. Guilt. I haven’t done the estimate from Timmy or Sue.
Let’s say I do balance it one week with work and family and I have a moment of peace in the overactive mind I love and hate then guess what. Guilt. I haven’t written a book or a blog in years. I used to have dreams of being a successful author. Hell, I used to be an author. What am I now?
I could go on and on. And if you’ve ever been here thank you for sticking around so I don’t feel alone in my delusional melancholy.
How do I fix it?
I don’t think it’s a fixable issue. I think it’s more of a managed one. Kind of like a mental autoimmune disorder. Here’s where I’m at. When guilt kicks up, I have a personal mantra I tell myself over and over until the vice like grip on my chest eases.
Then I say it four more times as an added measure to try and calm my subconscious mind. If you want to borrow it here it is…
“I am enough. Have done enough. And every breath I take and step I make is enough.”
Then I have a notes app on my phone where I have 10 things, I am grateful for listed and I read them to myself or out loud. You can borrow it too or make your own.
1. I woke up.
2. I have a nice bed to sleep in.
3. I have one more day on this earth.
4. I have running water.
5. I have electricity.
6. I have a mother that loves me.
7. I have a roof over my head.
8. I have safety while I sleep.
9. I have clothes.
10. I have made it through everything successfully and I will this too.
I believe there is value in all that I do and while I may seem that I have it all together I do not. But one thing I do have is a perseverance that is stronger than any challenge I have ever face. And that is something that I cling to. What are your coping strategies for when the guilt hits you?