I Used To Curse

There’s a phrase that creeps up on you as you age, it invades your mind and your vocabulary as stealthily as a lice infestation coming home with one of your kids after the one time you let them go to a sleep over. Everyone says it, like it’ s a right of passage on our way to retirement or death whichever one comes first. There is even a mention of it in popular US television show, “Modern Family.’  Jay the older semi-retired step father is playing pool with the vagabond biological dad, Javier, and he sees a photo of Jay and a motorcycle.

 Javier asks, “do you ride?”

 Jay says, “I used to.”

There it is. You know what I’m talking about. You’ve thought or said it yourself. There are many I used tos for me. I used to be a writer. I used to healthy. I used to work out. I used to walk. I used to play basketball. I used to be an author. I used to be religious. The list can go on. Only I actually have been picking up some of these again. While others I have no desire to pick up. Instead they have changed. Like instead of religious I am spiritual. But some I’ve embraced whole heartedly.

I am healthy. I work out. I walk at least three times a week. That’s the beautiful thing about I used to there’s no expiration date about when you can quit using it. The domino effect of letting go of I used to and picking up , I am, is you can’t stop with just one. You keep going. Which is what brought us here dear reader. I no longer want to say or think things like, I used to be a writer. I am a writer just feels so much better. That’s its I’m a writer. No additional expectation or goal is around it. I am writer and so therefore I write.

Bri

Bri the builder is a writer, blogger, builder in middle Tennessee.

Have you tried to find a place to live? Here are 5 Alternative Dwelling Sources

Have you tried to buy a home lately? Holy Cow! Have you tried to rent a home? The prices, would you like my first born as well? I’m so thankful for my own set up but have empathy for my kids and those facing this challenge currently.  As a builder and home renovator houses and real estate are a daily thought for me. I’m also the co-owner of a property maintenance company that repairs and renovates rental properties. So I’ve got roots in various aspects of the housing market. I say all that to establish my inspiration for this post. The housing and rental market are doing things I’ve never seen before and I was a realtor and property manager in 2008. But that’s not to say you can’t fulfill your goals whether that’s renting or buying. After seeing my own children struggle in this economy and remembering my own path to homeowner ship wasn’t traditional, I thought I would share creative out of the box ways to get in a home.

1.     Rent to own. The first house I ever owned was not a traditional situation. I was a tenant that had a lovely realtor whom we created a contract and we rent to own for a few years then had to do a cashout refinance to buy her out within that time frame. It was an interesting situation because we lived in the house for so many years the lender said that meant we were emotionally invested and less likely to default. There are lots of people who have homes for various reasons that don’t want or know how to manage them. Find someone like that and craft your own deal. Just remember to be very detailed and have a lawyer draw up the contract.

2.    Auctions: I don’t know a lot about this but there are tons of properties that are sold at courthouse auctions or through online auctions where they are trying to get rid of them quickly. These types of places are usually sold AS IS Where Is which means what you buy is what you get. They are also usually cash buys so if you have some funds and a knack for renovations this might be a good option to consider.

3.    Shouting it to the rooftops: Whatever you are looking for I say talk about it all the time. Go to open houses, call real estate offices and ask, if it’s not available leave your information and then call back to check again. Post about it on social media and keep posting about it. The fact is we are all so busy and always have an influx of information. People will forget, but not if you keep reminding them.

4.    House Sitting: There are people in the world who have to leave their homes for long periods of time. Whether for work, religious reasons, or personal and don’t want to box their whole home up and also don’t want to have to rent it out to long term tenants or to Airbnb. An alternative is having caretakers or house sitters. This is a concept that’s been around for years. Maybe you need time to save up for a down payment and your great aunt is retiring and going on a 6 month mission to Brazil. Win-win you save money and learn about home ownership and what you are looking for in your future home and her home is left in the care of someone they can trust.  

5.    RV’s and Campers: I don’t know if you’ve pieced this together but living in a van down by the river isn’t the put down it was 10 years ago. It’s the goal for some people. After buying my own camper and using it for leisure and having so many homeowners I build homes for live in their rig while it’s being built, I see the value in these alternative long term dwellings. Have you seen some of these campers? They have a lot of pros and I’m sure some cons but that is another post. There are tons of blogs and social media platforms to guide you if this is an option you want to try.

Some final thoughts that I have on housing. Your life will change significantly, and your needs will as well, from the people living with you to the pets. Define what your needs are NOW and then couple that with your resources. Whatever that looks like is fine. It’s all about taking care of your needs. And really at the end of the day this body and this life is temporary all we really take with us is the sum of our experiences. So do what takes care of you and yours and makes you the happiest.

When We Sit Quietly We Can Hear the Song of Possibility

Moving quietly and not sharing all your doing can be a cathartic experience. The first time I ever did this I wrote my first book. A novel called Glazier. Once published by a small publishing house out of Georgia called Astrea Press. It has since closed and I have my book rights back. It was going to be the stepping stone to my multimillion dollar writing career. That did not happen but it was an amazing experience. The opportunity I learned from that experience was that I can make moves quietly, only sharing my creations with a chosen supportive few confidants. This can be extremely rewarding emotionally as well as energetically.  And goes completely against our post immediately on social media play by play updates of your daily life. Think of it like pulling the arrow back in a bow. When you finally let go and launch your project all that momentum propels you and it forward.

With the social media world, we live in and many people using their lives as part of their art and business waiting to post something can have a fomo (fear of missing out) reverse effect. What I mean is you’re scared someone will miss seeing what you’ve done. And you fear that you’ll miss an opportunity to be seen.

But the beauty of social media is we control our narrative and when and if we share. So take the time to be present in the moment when you are doing something. The beauty that I found of having a present mindset is that you connect more fully with those around you and can have the value of the experience. Now I’m not saying don’t take the time to take photos and videos. Especially if you are planning on using it on social media later. But do just enough to get what you need then put away your camera. Being present means having your eyes and attention forward and not on the other side of a lens or screen.  

When was the last time you were present? How was it?

Abundant Living vs Minimalist Mentality: How to do both?

“There is enough, and all my needs are met and will be met.” Is literally the greatest lesson I’ve had to learn in this life. It’s an ongoing active muscle I have to constantly exercise. It always shows up in my life in some form or another. From a tithing promise in organized religion to my greatest fear in therapy to a life lesson from a psychic reading from my guides, this theme keeps coming up.

To be honest I’m not surprised since I am a child of poverty. Growing up with a single teen mother who had her own generational trauma to overcome, and no support it is a reasonable response to develop. But then I also had a mom who made shit happen. All our needs were always met, maybe not as expected but we’re met. And it taught me how to be fucking creative at problem solving. Like coffee filters can be toilet paper and paper towels in a pinch. Then if you take into account the sum total of all the environmental trauma I’ve experienced it’s a wander I’m still alive and semi sane. One house fire, three tornadoes, two floods, two hurricanes, two ice storms and two financial collapses there seems to be a common lesson here.

It also seemed to be a principle I wasn’t perhaps learning. Which might be why I kept undergoing similar experiences with different details but the same feelings.

What was the lesson?

“There is enough, and all my needs are met and will be met.”

If that’s the lesson that I need to learn.

If that’s something more than what if I applied this idea like the law of gravity. In religion they say faith fuels blessings.

What if I believed in this like a principle? In spirituality they say that manifesting starts with stating as if it’s already happened and believing it to be.

What if I declared it daily? How would my life change? How would it influence my choices?

Well I’d start having more experiences. I’d start using the resources I had like credit cards and rewards points to do the shit I want to do. I’d have more courage to take risks in my business. I’d be more giving and charitable to those in need. Because it’s just money and I can always make more. Trying to rewire my brain from over forty years of programing is a hard but doable concept. I want to be very clear this is an active lesson I am trying to learn. I am not an expert. I’m just I the thick of it. And I have some hacks that I have found that are working.

1.     I say affirmations to myself in the mirror. “ Money and resources flow freely and easily to me and my husband Chris.”

2.    I dream and I dream big.

3.    I no longer make choices for future Bri. Like, “ I need to think about my retirement. I also don’t make choices based on past Bri. Like you don’t want to make the same mistake you did in 2008. These are fear based thinking practices and aint’ nobody got time for that.”

4.    No decisions based on fear. If I’m afraid I just sit still and do or say nothing until I can process it.

5.    Take time to think before I do anything.

6.    Daily gratitude.

7.     I consume uplifting and educational content from social media to music to movies.

8.    No news.

9.    No drama.

10. I will pay for experiences but not the acquisition of stuff to keep up with the jones.

11.  I live a minimalist lifestyle and I’ve defined what that means for me.

Momguilt is like a disease without a vaccine and I've decided to make my own

Guilt is the cockroach of a woman’s emotions. Never fully dying or eradicated. I am a woman, so I speak from that point of view.  It doesn’t matter what season I’m in, how successful I am, or how much I struggle. I feel guilt like the sticky film left on my skin after working in the humidity of a southern summer afternoon.

There’s a song lyric I hear all the time and it says, “I got a therapist, I’m so mature.” Well I do that. I go to therapy. But not because I’m mature but because I’m desperate and exhausted. Guess what guilt doesn’t go away in therapy either. It’s there. Like the vermin it is.

I’m killing it at work. I feel empowered and successful. Guilt. I’m reminded of all the things I’ve let slide in my personal relationships.

I’m killing it at home. Date nights weekly. I’m texting with my kids. Their needs are met. I’ve meal planned. Guilt. I haven’t done the estimate from Timmy or Sue.

Let’s say I do balance it one week with work and family and I have a moment of peace in the overactive mind I love and hate then guess what. Guilt. I haven’t written a book or a blog in years. I used to have dreams of being a successful author. Hell, I used to be an author. What am I now?

I could go on and on. And if you’ve ever been here thank you for sticking around so I don’t feel alone in my delusional melancholy.

How do I fix it?

I don’t think it’s a fixable issue. I think it’s more of a managed one. Kind of like a mental autoimmune disorder. Here’s where I’m at. When guilt kicks up, I have a personal mantra I tell myself over and over until the vice like grip on my chest eases.

Then I say it four more times as an added measure to try and calm my subconscious mind. If you want to borrow it here it is…

“I am enough. Have done enough. And every breath I take and step I make is enough.”

Then I have a notes app on my phone where I have 10 things, I am grateful for listed and I read them to myself or out loud. You can borrow it too or make your own.

1.     I woke up.

2.    I have a nice bed to sleep in.

3.    I have one more day on this earth.

4.    I have running water.

5.    I have electricity.

6.    I have a mother that loves me.

7.     I have a roof over my head.

8.    I have safety while I sleep.

9.    I have clothes.

10. I have made it through everything successfully and I will this too.

I believe there is value in all that I do and while I may seem that I have it all together I do not. But one thing I do have is a perseverance that is stronger than any challenge I have ever face. And that is something that I cling to. What are your coping strategies for when the guilt hits you?